Today, I am not worth the work.

I was honest about my pain…made him honest about his.

And so it is done.

This writing will be a very long time before it is ready.

My mind rocks back and forth between what must be done to save what I know I can have with who I know to be my person…what must be done, and that nothing will ever make it okay.

My mind rocks back and forth but it isn’t soothing…it is scrambling and debilitating.

I can’t just let it go…not because it hurts to let it go…

Because I know it to be once in a lifetime opportunity…

Why can’t I see everything with this kind of clarity?

How can I be expected not to make mistakes?

Doesn’t my patience and care buy me some grace and forgiveness?

Can’t I change?

4 thoughts on “Giving”

  1. Hi Aria!

    My name is Teresa and I write on Medium for a publication there called the Scarlett Letter. I was wondering if you come and check us out and perhaps consider writing a story for us?

    Yes, I’m just cruising the net looking for adulterous writers on a Saturday afternoon, because – lockdowns lol 🙂

    We’re always looking for like-minded writers to share their stories. Come check us out at If you are not familiar with Medium, it is a hosted blogger site that is far easier to use than WordPress. If you pay five bucks a month for full access, you can also earn money with your writing. I’m not going to lie, it’s not much, but I usually make the $5 back with one story (and no, I don’t get anything if you join).

    If you want more info, shoot me an email at

    Have a great day!



    1. I was on pause, healing….thinking…writing. I am deciding what I can share of what sometimes feels like a lot of fucking pain.


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