Today, I am not worth the work.
I was honest about my pain…made him honest about his.
And so it is done.
This writing will be a very long time before it is ready.
My mind rocks back and forth between what must be done to save what I know I can have with who I know to be my person…what must be done, and that nothing will ever make it okay.
My mind rocks back and forth but it isn’t soothing…it is scrambling and debilitating.
I can’t just let it go…not because it hurts to let it go…
Because I know it to be once in a lifetime opportunity…
Why can’t I see everything with this kind of clarity?
How can I be expected not to make mistakes?
Doesn’t my patience and care buy me some grace and forgiveness?
Can’t I change?