In polyamory, or non-monogamy, or any power dynamic…actually, in any relationship ever…perceived inequity is an enemy to peace. Peace is lost when I feel like you shouldn’t want to be with her as much as you want to be with me. Peace is lost when I feel like my lover has another partner who sets them on fire in a way I cannot or do not. Peace is lost when that NSA didn’t happen in reality the way we planned in theory. Peace is lost when I cannot give you all you want or need or deserve. Peace is lost when I can give you everything but you don’t trust that I can or that it is even possible. Peace is lost when perception of balance is off.
Is perception real though? Is it actually inequity?
I know I get a version of you that not even your wife gets. I know that you are open to me in a way that you are not open to another person on this earth. I know that you know you get that from me also…
Is it fair to say that this statement is possible with more than one person without being untrue?
Every pairing is its own thing, but the expression of that balance is predicated on perception. Can you feel it when I intend it? Can I feel it when you intend it? Can we learn to adjust our feelings to meet the intention?
Peace requires equity – actual balance and perceived balance. How much balance are we capable of managing? Where will our skills fall short so that peace is disturbed?
Shower me with your affection. Tell me how you feel. Tell me when I make you hard. Tell me that you need me in your life. Tell me your news. Make time for me in your world. Give me your truth without hiding. Share your fears with me. Learn and grow with me and for me.
My affections are yours. My feelings are yours. You make me wet all the time. I need you every day. You hear everything that crosses my brain. I find you every single day. You get everything I can give..and that is a bundle of fear much of the time. I am scaling the learning curve for you with every agility I have at my disposal. I should not accept anything less in return.
Everyone deserves peace, honesty, and equity…mirrored energy, understanding and intent.