I am in the array of many brand new normals.
The world is starting to open up again, for better or worse, in this COVID-19 environment. I can leave the house now, but still, I feel like I am exposing myself to harm whenever I do. I am divorcing, and that journey is forcing brand new sets of normalcy. The lives of my children are changing too, and my role as a mother is changing too. I am no longer actively fucking multiple partners. I am focusing my energy in on place…on my love.
I need peace.
There is an excitement that is offered by multiple partners, playing without permission, and exploration of sexuality in general. My world is on fire in many different areas, and the excitement is tainted heavily by chaos and discomfort. I cannot manage the transition of divorce with the desired grace while I also feel responsible for the emotional well being of others.
This is the new normal I would like to voice. I need the simplification of partnerships so that I can learn NOT to feel responsible for the emotional well being of others. I am not saying I shouldn’t care for others…I just need to learn to care without carrying.
So I simplify and learn this new skill set. I learn peace. I learn stillness. I learn care through independence.
I will learn to be a better partner, and I let him learn to be mine. We will learn that new normal together…and expand from there outward to be what ever normal the future will bring us.
Maybe that will be some variation of nonmonogamy. Maybe that will be some variation of polyamory. Maybe that will be kinky as fuck. Maybe that will be simple, loving, vanilla and beautiful.
I suspect we will have many new normals in succession. That is life.
Still, I miss pieces of the old normal…and maybe some of those pieces will be future normal again.
The peace must be part of it for it to be sustainable.