Not before my fucking coffee…please

I was ambushed this morning by spouse with heavy transition discussion. I haven’t slept well in forever, and I am ever conscious of performing with grace even in such circumstances. I cannot lose my temper or my viewpoint is dismissed. I cannot be unclear, and even with my clarity, my point is often missed as if I am speaking another language entirely.

Not before my fucking coffee, please!

This is a reality for me across all of my life. When I cannot rest, I do not perform. My ability to care for others is compromised. My ability to think and synthesize for problem solving is catastrophically impacted. I am no good for anyone.

Let me rest. This doesn’t mean “leave me alone.” It means that I need help with the work. This is hearing me when I tell you what I need. This is telling me what you need so I can care for it without the obligation of mind reading first.

My partners outside of my marriage are really good at this. They each make concessions that most would not…or that most have not. They do their work, each in their own way. We are all learning through intention. They don’t leave me alone in my work, which allows me to carry some of their work too. They make sure I have the coffee and the rest, the snuggles and the care, and the comforts of shared joys as well as shared work. I am really lucky.

I want this for my every day reality. I am no longer interested in being ambushed before I have had my literal or proverbial coffee.

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