In recent post Polyamory, I outlined intended topics:
- Thrive, accept or tolerate
- Communication, communication and MORE communication (with strong doses of awareness of self and others)
- “Don’t ask, don’t tell”
- Room for changing and growth
There are obvious risk issues when considering running in circles of polyamorous relationships, particularly if all relationships have a sexual element. I don’t worry about monogamous sexual health in the same way. But obviously, fluid bonded partnerships have an impact on health. If we are sharing the sauce, I get to know what else is being thrown into the mix. This means my partner needs to feel safe being truthful. Not just with the things we have overtly agreed to, but the wild card shit too.
“So you drank too much and fucked a rando? Okay, cool, maybe drink less and let’s celebrate with a round of STD testing for giggles.”
“Wait, you put your junk in a hole and you didn’t see what was on the other side. Okay, cool, again we celebrate with swabs up your urethra.”
“Your other partner has other partners who have other partners?” Sigh. Yep, maybe we shan’t be fluid bonded.
But that is the same when dating, you have to trust and be trusted, and you have to be rigorously fastidious about the health of the junk you throw about.
How about emotional and intellectual safety? And how about the safety also involved in relationships which require secrecy and discretion?
How do we mitigate for risk of getting hearts broken when there are more people in the mix?
How do we protect the sacred intellectual growth required to have and support multiple partners? How do I stay safe and not burn out?
How do I ensure that the discretion I need is preserved by each of my partners? And how do I be damn sure I protect each of them?
More people equals more risk…perhaps more reward in theory…but for fucking certain, there is more risk to my safety.
Is it worth it? Ask me hourly and get varied responses.
The answer may always be “hmmmm…..it is complicated.”