In recent post Polyamory, I outlined intended topics:
- Thrive, accept or tolerate
- Communication, communication and MORE communication (with strong doses of awareness of self and others)
- “Don’t ask, don’t tell”
- Room for changing and growth
Attraction is a good place to start always. As I entered high school and college, I was always attracted to smart people, talented individuals, unique souls…but I also met my spouse when I was 18. I avoided all attractions as a threat to my monogamous construct. I cut people out of my circle with merciless precision. I avoided being near exceptional people of all kinds.
What happens when you cut anyone who challenges you out of your life? I became myopic. I became primarily molded to the opinions and needs of one person. I stopped growing. I lost myself.
I woke up sometime in my late thirties and looked around me. Very few people other than my spouse who challenged me spiritually, philosophically, intellectually, or emotionally. I didn’t rise to my potential. I didn’t push myself to consider my own perspective separate from what I had been taught and outside of my roles as wife and mother and friend.
I tried something new, on a whim. It happened on accident. I cannot divulge it as it tells to much about me a compromises my anonymous person. But I found myself needing to surround myself with the bright, challenging people in order to accomplish the goal. I began learning with super bendy minds, and I learned that not everyone is threatened by my learning capacity. Some people push me to be better.
Read the advice books for business or life. Surround yourself with people who challenge your biases and constructs. Seek out partners who are smarter and more agile minded than you. Be in environments that demand difficult learning, provide support for exploration, and make it safe for you to fail in epic fashion.
What makes us think that in seeking life partners that ONE teacher will make us our best? What makes us feel like the learning we must have is the same in all life phases? What makes us feel like a failure if we see learning potential in the faces of many?
I am attracted to musicians, thinkers, artists, writers, computer geeks, lawyers, scientists, and entrepreneurs. I like bendy minds and rigid focused minds. I find beauty in the scars we pick up on life’s journey, and my scars are only one piece of the world’s whole. I want to collect stories and love the story tellers.
This is challenged by the feelings and attachments…but the attraction is very present. There is a chance that learning from multiples is my calling…does it mean I have to fuck them all? Likely not, thank goodness.
Next time: Compatibility.