My love and I were talking about identifying the undercurrent…the things that move us without us realizing it. The undercurrent is swift and directional and a force all its own. Below is our positive life force, but holy hell, there is pollution down there too. That shit has been picked up along the way. It wasn’t part of our origin. The pollution came when we spent too long near negativity, when we made mistakes, when people around us just tossed shit in, and when we took a very personal vomit over the side of the boat again and again.
The challenge we face is slowing enough to let the pollution surface so we can skim it off the top and get rid of it. We cannot see anything through fast moving filth, and we will hurt ourselves and others without looking to be aware. There is risk in looking down and just feeling like it is too messy to clean up. There is risk in ignoring the filth and just ingesting it like it is pure. There is risk for anything we try to grow with that water. We mitigate the risk by slowing way down. The resource isn’t always able to be cleaned once contaminated, but it can always been improved.
With stillness, we can see everything else in our clear stream. We can name each life, see its size and growth, and feed it a little as we can. We can guard the balance and its health. We can limit its contributing sources and be sure that they are clean and careful.
I need to learn to be still. I need to practice watching more. I need to pull the garbage out of my undercurrent.
I am acknowledging too, though, my undercurrent is very strong. Maybe it is okay if I slow it in stages. Skim what I can, and let it move. Maybe there are more ways to understand my pollution. Maybe there are ways to value what is already pure and health and clean over what is not.