Everyone says communication is the key to healthy relationships…then we steer clear of saying the hard things because being the cause of pain is awful. What about the intimacy that comes from being trusted to handle the hard stuff with grace? What about the intimacy that comes from having a true trusted partner for the stuff you shouldn’t have to handle alone? What about the intimacy that comes from growing together over the hard stuff?
This is the goal of communication – Intimacy that is lasting, strong, and resilient.
So when I asked for an open marriage, and it was hard to ask, and it was received with such pain that I felt like I was killing my partner, I lost the ability to trust him with my journey. He never asked what I needed. He never asked if I was aware of the origin of the interest. He never asked about my journey, and he didn’t seem capable of being part of the discussion.
I totally understand this, really I do. The conversation was about his pain, his insecurity, and his standard setting based on what society has taught us. The conversation was brief, and it never went any further. It has never been revisited in that form.
I took my ideas, and I guarded them. Intimacy damaged.
Tell me everything if you want to give me your heart. Hear my everything if you want my heart. No holds barred. Pain will happen, and it is payment for the intimacy. This is what I have learned.