Polyamory

I am totally finding my way in the dark on this, but a thought occurred to me that maybe I am programmed to be polyamorous. I met a few open poly folks out in the wild, and it shook my perception of what was possible. I had always been attracted to a wide variety of people, but avoided any such people as a threat to my traditional monogamous construct. This meant that I avoided anyone I found to be remotely intelligent, challenging, talented, or interesting. Incidentally, this is also a fine way to accept being mediocre myself. No need to improve or grow or learn when nobody needs me to be more.

Today is the start of several posts for my learning about poly as it pertains to me and my partners outside of my marriage. Here are the topics most pertinent”

  • Attraction
  • Compatibility
  • Thrive, accept or tolerate
  • Communication, communication and MORE communication (with strong doses of awareness of self and others)
  • “Don’t ask, don’t tell”
  • Room for changing and growth
  • Safety
  • Labels
  • Support

17 thoughts on “Polyamory”

  1. If you ask ten different people what it means to be polyamorous you will likely get ten different answers. Answers based on their life experience, perception, misconception, predgudice, religious lienings, political views and a host of other influences including education, economic status and geographical location.

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    1. I found this also. Maybe there are so many different approaches to it, and the arrangement is likely unique to any grouping of people. It makes high communication standard so very important. Many moving parts can stress what is assumed.

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  2. It’s odd in a way. I don’t really belong here any more. I no longer need anyone’s permission to do what ever I want. There is no one to slip around on. No more excuses to make to account for my time.
    But I’ve been there, I lived it, the memories are deeply etched into my brain. The needs are the same, the longing endures. Being single doesn’t make finding a partner to share with any easier. In fact it seems much, much harder. Only the logistics of getting together made easier by freedom.

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    1. I hear that. Partnering is never easy. I don’t think the matter of already attached, or open or whatever means anything. If you are looking, you are looking. If you are open, you are open. Logistics yes, are different. The trick is how many logistical tricks are their to manage, and how much risk is there in the secrets.

      I fucking HATE secrets.

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      1. Yes I hate secrets. I hate lying but there is the trap isn’t it. Once we decide to no longer settle, to reach outside of a relationship lying and secrets become a routine part of life.

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  3. I have some…perspective, on polyamory, having negotiated, tried, succeeded, and failed.

    I think very broadly polyamory is most often doomed when there’s a perceived deficit it’s hoped will be solved. That’s why my latter attempt at trying it foundered.

    Earlier, a much more equitable openness had been navigated very successfully. Granted I usually characterise that period as simple swinging but it wasn’t at all. There were a number of elements that most swingers would balk at.

    The difference was my earlier experiences added to an already perfectly adequate whole. That takes trust and communication of course but on a level that is more intuitive than just talking openly. It has to be felt and believed.

    And a secure sense of self is paramount too.
    (says she, who was still a decade shy of coming out when she ended that first polyamorous period. Lol)

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