Apologies

I am sorry a lot. I feel the impact of my unintentional behavior on others, and I like to apologize when I feel it. Awareness of fault is a good thing, but I also catch myself apologizing for who I am.

I am sorry that my energy is overwhelming for you. I am sorry that my will makes you uncomfortable. I am sorry that my choices, however clearly communicated, might cause you pain. I am sorry that my body isn’t just so. I am sorry that I am sometimes unavailable or distracted. I am sorry that my thoughts race. I am sorry that I say how I feel, and I am sorry that my awareness of my feelings makes you less comfortable about your level of awareness.

Wait one minute. How did this happen? How did I begin apologizing for myself instead of my behavior?

And, am I the only one apologizing?

Lately, I have realized that I have grown into modeling apologies for a spouse who doesn’t apologize. He doesn’t accept responsibility for hurt, and so I accept it for us.

In seeking people who take responsibility for their own emotional awareness, I have realized my closest partners are over apologizers too. Each of them apologizes beautifully for hurt caused or fragility marred by miscommunication. They also apologize for oddness, moodiness, distraction, other obligation, and emotional baggage. While I don’t like them apologizing for them being themselves, I love the feeling that we can shed the need for over apologizing together.

We can mirror and say, “no apologies required,” or we can hear a heart felt apology and say, “I forgive you.”

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