This is where I left off, in the last post: “Profile writing – almost nobody reads what is written, most look at age/height/weight/picture, maybe even a few just see gender and don’t care past pussy”
When I started writing a profile, I thought about who I was and what I had to offer another person. This was stupid. I was not looking to market myself, but this was default programming at work. I needed to be something that is seen as special. I should have said what my partners would need. People should have read it.
What I should have written: I am smart, creative, emotionally aware, and deeply fun. I seek to practice radically open, clear communication as a standard. This means I want partners who are intelligent, emotionally deep, and willing to be vulnerable. I want time made when time is scarce. I am programmed polyamorously, though I am in a traditionally monogamous marriage. I seek partners who value discretion while learning to care for multiples.
As a direct bonus that would have saved me time and anguish: I give zero fux about your dick pics, your sportsball as your only interest, your hoping for my pussy over my brain, your assumption that poly is about threesomes and therefore hawt as long as there are two women and you, and your egocentric need for a woman to validate your masculinity.
I then proceeded to ask every potential interest a list of questions, that were hilariously referred to as the “common application for my pussy.” As I vetted partners, these questions got more direct and intense. Think to yourself, how do you distill your needs down to questions in order to find people worthy of your most precious energy?
- How long have you been seeking partners outside of your marriage? Have you been successful (however you define that)?
- What do you love and value about your home partner and life there? We all have baggage and nothing is perfect. I look to celebrate what works rather than letting the things that challenge ruin the perspective of what is exceptional. I am married with two kids in high school. My husband is super funny and beyond dedicated to me and the kids. I love him for that dearly.
- What are you looking for here ultimately? I started looking mostly as a thought experiment…and found that actually knowing and asking for what you want and need is pretty cool….so do it here.
- Kinks? Preferences? What do you like? Where are the boundaries that you already know are there?
- Do you drink? Do you experiment with or use drugs? STD free now and what is your sexual history? (Now I would add: What are your COVID-19 distancing habits?)
- Do you understand polyamory? How many partners do you seek?
- What do you do for a living? I know what you do and who you are aren’t always same thing…but that is part of your being…so tell me about it.
The questions help me weed out the folks who cannot have complete, complex thoughts, those who will rag on their home partners nonstop, those whose identity is wrapped up in something that isn’t a good fit for me, and those who don’t wish to spend time submitting the “common application for my pussy.” If they cannot answer seven little questions, they don’t deserve an ounce of my energy. And frankly, if the don’t have questions of their own, they don’t know what they need or want either.
From there, then decisions can get made. Do I shut the door, or does the dance begin?