Making a profile

This is where I left off, in the last post: “Profile writing – almost nobody reads what is written, most look at age/height/weight/picture, maybe even a few just see gender and don’t care past pussy”

When I started writing a profile, I thought about who I was and what I had to offer another person. This was stupid. I was not looking to market myself, but this was default programming at work. I needed to be something that is seen as special. I should have said what my partners would need. People should have read it.

What I should have written: I am smart, creative, emotionally aware, and deeply fun. I seek to practice radically open, clear communication as a standard. This means I want partners who are intelligent, emotionally deep, and willing to be vulnerable. I want time made when time is scarce. I am programmed polyamorously, though I am in a traditionally monogamous marriage. I seek partners who value discretion while learning to care for multiples.

As a direct bonus that would have saved me time and anguish: I give zero fux about your dick pics, your sportsball as your only interest, your hoping for my pussy over my brain, your assumption that poly is about threesomes and therefore hawt as long as there are two women and you, and your egocentric need for a woman to validate your masculinity.

I then proceeded to ask every potential interest a list of questions, that were hilariously referred to as the “common application for my pussy.” As I vetted partners, these questions got more direct and intense. Think to yourself, how do you distill your needs down to questions in order to find people worthy of your most precious energy?

  1. How long have you been seeking partners outside of your marriage? Have you been successful (however you define that)?
  2. What do you love and value about your home partner and life there? We all have baggage and nothing is perfect.  I look to celebrate what works rather than letting the things that challenge ruin the perspective of what is exceptional. I am married with two kids in high school. My husband is super funny and beyond dedicated to me and the kids.  I love him for that dearly.
  3. What are you looking for here ultimately?  I started looking mostly as a thought experiment…and found that actually knowing and asking for what you want and need is pretty cool….so do it here.
  4. Kinks? Preferences? What do you like?  Where are the boundaries that you already know are there?
  5. Do you drink? Do you experiment with or use drugs? STD free now and what is your sexual history? (Now I would add: What are your COVID-19 distancing habits?)
  6. Do you understand polyamory? How many partners do you seek?
  7. What do you do for a living?  I know what you do and who you are aren’t always same thing…but that is part of your being…so tell me about it.

The questions help me weed out the folks who cannot have complete, complex thoughts, those who will rag on their home partners nonstop, those whose identity is wrapped up in something that isn’t a good fit for me, and those who don’t wish to spend time submitting the “common application for my pussy.” If they cannot answer seven little questions, they don’t deserve an ounce of my energy. And frankly, if the don’t have questions of their own, they don’t know what they need or want either.

From there, then decisions can get made. Do I shut the door, or does the dance begin?

6 thoughts on “Making a profile”

  1. Common application…dying here. I laughed so hard! The questions are perfect. The right guy is willing to jump the hoops. The issue for most women is the sifting through the many intolerable candidates to find the right one. It’s great to be on the right side of the numbers game…

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    1. Sifting is right. I started by dealing with what came my way…with the man looking at my profile first. Or most likely, whatever the preset filter and automated message feature sent me as their “interest.” Then I started applying my own filter and looking to initiate contact based on what interested me. I found it to be much more effective. Or rather, my best successes came from that method.

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  2. I found that I tended to be initially VERY picky (you have to earn me), then if they passed and I was interested, I tried to sell myself more (I want to earn you), and if that went well I tried to drive them away (either a genius test or self sabotage, take your pick).

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    1. Jaye – I have heard a lot of sentiments like these…the drive away urge. I haven’t had that, but I understand it. Maybe I engage in some self sabotage, but I am not sure I see it. I try so very hard to be very transparent…even the irony of that is amusing – Transparent communication while engaging in secretive affairs and consenting nondisclosure.

      Picky is good. I tend to give far to many people the benefit of doubt.

      Selling yourself…nobody should have to be convinced of your worth.

      Drive them away? And if they stay, then they are true? Maybe they are just dense and didn’t pick up on the test…then all we did was get a false positive. Staying power is one thing. Missing out on the signals is far more likely in most.

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      1. I couldn’t agree more. I just made a new AM profile and am dealing with the onslaught of being a flame in a moth-filled cave, lol. A friend recommended this blog and I have to say I feel as though I could have written most of what I’ve read so far. I’m excited to keep diving into this blog, so thank you!!

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