PWOP was the brainchild of two friends, whose paths diverged, but whose combined voice is still prevalent here. Now I write, alone, as I search for my own voice in all of the lies that have been told to me and about me my entire life.

Originally, this blog was conceived of as a place to fully explore the idea of playing without permission—building and maintaining relationships outside of your marriage that aren’t known to your partner and aren’t sanctioned by society. I am talking about “cheating,” but I don’t feel it as such. I feel it as a closeted existence at the moment, and learning lessons I must to feel safe being who I was meant to be. My co-founding friend’s voice was accurate in saying, “Cheating implies simply that one is false or deceptive, or that a person gains something by being dishonest. While being false is part of the landscape for many people, being true to themselves is at the core of their experience. Any change that occurs as a result of this journey is earned, by virtue of a person’s struggle against the dishonesty of limits placed on them by society or by their spouse. There isn’t one single model for love and intimacy that can be universally applied to everyone.”

Society is full of constructs that I am learning to question and define for myself, even after I have blindly made decisions that conform for decades. I want to scream into the void, “Welcome to my mid-life crisis.” But really, I need to sit down with the world, and gently invite you each with kindness to see me whole by saying, “Welcome to my awakening.”

Mutual monogamy was sold to me by society as a child. While it is the most prevalent arrangement, it is not the only way nor is it inherently correct or moral. I chose monogamy when I married, because I didn’t know another way. I endeavor now to find my own path with my chosen partners, and I realize that the journey to understanding myself will be incredibly messy. I have chosen to try to be kind to myself, and maybe, when you and I sit down together over these words, you will find ways to be kind to yourself in your own journeys. Can we be brave together?

The Ground Rules 

In creating this blog, I want to build a safe space for people to talk about their beliefs and behaviors. I will share my journey with transparency and awareness, with the goal of encouraging discussion and the hope that we can see one another without judgement. Please, open your mind, be respectful of each other here, and realize that we are all dark and light simultaneously. Comment, participate, but I will spend zero *fux* on cruelty, personal attacks, or threats of any sort.

Critically important: Given the nature of what we’re talking about here, we ask for a little discretion. Please don’t use your real name in the comments. More important, please do not use real names when speaking of someone else, whether partner, friend or family member.  

I will speak of partners in my journey by assigned monikers.  I may fabricate alternate scenarios in order to portray a truth that is important but cannot be told without compromising discretion. I will always protect people here with fierce loyalty, even if the underlying person taught me the meaning of true ugliness. I seek to encourage self awareness, kindness and acceptance of others, and a positive impact on every person I encounter.

Who I am

I am a wife and mother. I am a loyal friend and teacher. I am a lifelong learner and an outlier. I am smart, emotionally aware, and fiercely loving. My name here is Aria Scarlette. It was the name originally chosen when I started this project with my friend. I have since looked to revise the name, but it is perfect. It fits.

Aria is a solo for one voice, but make no mistake. I seek to find other strong voices with which to combine. Duet, Trio, Quartet, Chorus. Scarlette is a variation on the ultimate strong female figure Scarlet O’Hara. Combined to refer to the scarlet letter A worn by a literary figure for making many of the same choices I have made. We all have our letters to wear. “Hi, I am Aria Scarlette. Now tell me all about you.”


Any thoughts or opinions shared on this blog or the sole responsibility of the individual authors or the people commenting on a post. The material here represents our own personal opinions and should not be taken to some sort of objective truth.


All words and images here belong to me. They are mine to own.